In The Cloud

It's weird
I have all this me time
But I don't know what to do with it
Now that you're not here

It's weird
To stand here now
Between two points in time
Ethereal, ghostlike,
Pondering my own future grave
While two devils in hell
Share a bro fist
Ignoring the legions of suffering souls
At their feet:
Memory and foreknowledge.

But my life is weird like that
and I am no stranger to strength
And I am only in possession
Of a desire
For a deterministic universe
When it is of convenience to me
When it makes me seem to be
The thing I've always
Wanted to be.
The rest of the time
I am content
With the random order
Of everything.

But fate is fate
And karma is karma
And this is the madness
Of the world
I thrust you in
The world that
Like you
I have inherited.
I suppose I should apologize
But I don't know how
Or why
Even
Because even now
Now that you're here with us
the history of the human story
Is still the sound
Of a single sustained scream,
A burned singed cacophony of singularity.

Yet... still... I know
That one day when I'm gone
You'll still type my name
In a Google search bar
One day
Propelled by your own innate
Need to know
And then you'll know
Then you'll understand
My thoughts
My dreams
My emotions
(Because you are still my muse
Even after all this time)
And then you'll understand
Because even though I'm gone
I'll still be out there
In the cloud
Teaching you
Guiding you
Misleading you sometimes
And, yes, even loving you,
In my own broken way -
(My love is always
And has always been
Broken
Betrayed by trust as it is)
- Even though my heart
Has grown wispy thin
And made of dying light
The way it always was
Its fading light
Like the moonlight
That once was sunny sun
Will still be strong enough
To drive you forward
And make you strong
Like the meal of joy
That never ends.

Yes
One day
In the cloud
You will finally understand
Your poor broken hearted daddy
And his long far seeing eye.
After all
Anyone who tells you
Their heart isn't broken
Is lying to you anyway
In the cloud
Where our thoughts
And our dreams
And our emotions
Endure forever
Sometimes
Like now
For instance.